Halloween: the one, or in the case of college kids more like three (us “opportunists” could find a way to stretch even Flag Day into a weeklong booze bender) nights a year when we all get free reign to dress up like complete idiots and funnel pumpkin flavored beverages in the name of……ghosts? Sure, good enough excuse for me. When we were kids, this was a holiday which inspired mass amounts of excitement for obvious reasons – free candy handed out to you by all those creepy neighbors whose lawns your parents warned you to stay off of all other 364 nights of the year (“Mommy? Why’s this Snickers bar taste like cough medicine?”).
Now that we’re highly intellectual and mature college students however, we get excited for a completely different reason – girls finding new and creative ways to dress like sluts. It’s the one day of the year when girls can dress as scantily as they please free of judgment from anyone. Everyone is in the Halloween spirit, if you will. It never fails to impress me all the ways these girls will find innovative ways to display as much cleavage as possible; showing no regard to the frightening symptoms of hypothermia that must have been sneaking up on them for the better part of six hours. Good thing there’s a slutty dressed doctor over by the keg. Kudos to you ladies.
Don’t get content with just dusting off your old cat or firewoman costumes that’ve been hiding in the back of your closets in between every Halloween though. You’re gonna have to bring it if you want esteem, fame, or most importantly Instagram likes this year. Because last year we may have had a new bar set. A revolutionary slutty costume. The Michael Jordan freethrow-line dunk of slutty costumes – forever changing how we judge slutty costumes. The slutty Ebola patient/nurse costume (bedpan not included). If you ladies can find a way to make a disease that literally rots your insides attractive enough where I’d want to be quarantined with you (wink, wink) then really there is no ceiling to this phenomenon. That being said, I have a challenge for you. Since Ebola patient is so last year (get with the program Africa), you all need a way to top it. If you can make any of these following costume ideas sexy, well then I’ll… I actually have nothing to offer you here. I’ll be pretty damn impressed though, and unless you’re a bear on a tricycle juggling watermelons that doesn’t happen very often.
- The Mucinex Man
What at first glance looks like an easily slutified costume design with the white tank top and plaid overalls quickly becomes more difficult when you realize you need to find a way to make your entire body look like its composed of green mucus. Even during flu season, a challenge indeed. Simply put, this dude is straight filth. Looks like Danny DeVito with a briefcase trying to play the Hulk in some sort of disgusting animated series he would be perfect for. On the plus side, he does have a wife. This opens up the possibility for adorable matching couples costumes, as well as allowing us to picture them skipping down the aisle to ‘Cough Syrup’ by Young the Giant.
2. A Waffle