The Fall of Humanity

Editor’s Note: Welcome our new writer Shooter McGavin. His GPA is basically neck and neck with his usual BAC. Great kid keep an eye out for him and his hot takes.

Yessir boys and girls it’s that time of year again. Getchya popcorn ready folks because the basic gals will be coming out in full force over the next few weeks. We’ve been hearing for a while  now the usual ,”OMGGG I can’t wait until Fall”.

Oh wait shit sorry we’ve got a new weather report just in. Yep the forecast for the upcoming  week looks troublesome.   Monday is looking to be bean boots, bean boots, and look out for the afternoon there may be even red bean boots coming out. Tuesday will be Patagonia Vests and khakis with you guessed it more bean boots. Wednesday? Well the forecast is changing by the minute, but it looks like most of the day will be dominated by an overwhelming storm of holy grounds coffee cups containing pumpkin spice lattes. So it may just be a nice day to violently gouge your own eyes out.

But, holy fucking shit pumpkin spice is like a religion for these cretins. I mean come on if you haven’t seen these already feast your eyes on this beauty:

pumpking spice condom

And of course the all time favorite that’s been sweeping the nation and people’s wallets for years now

Screen Shot 2015-10-02 at 4.37.36 PM starbucks

Gotta love the PSL from “Starbs”right. Seriously did you guys know that’s an actual term for Starbucks now? I haven’t been that embarrassed by the human race since the Game6 Luau this year (link blog here). And now Holy grounds has finally decided to snag a spot on the money train. God help this campus or just strike it down as these things will be flying off the shelves  faster than free Garrett Hill Pizza at Bartley High.

But with Fall comes some nice touches. Mainly football and oh ya college football. Yes my apologies to any girl that is unfortunate to have read this far already you’ll be seeing guys glued to computer screens left and right. You may be thinking “Oh wow these boys are so studious! I’m sure they’re working hard at ensuring a bright future for themselves” Nope. We’re just updating our fantasy teams. Nothing more, nothing less. Or watching Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia on Netlfix. *insert best show ever plug*……….Now:

But for me at least my favorite past about Fall is I can fully embrace the bum life. What’s the bum life you may ask? Oh boy lemme tell ya. It involves wearing a lot of these


And These:


And a lot of this


And my other favorite part is the excuse train takes on a whole new dimension with fall weather. “Hey you wanna hit up the gym later you haven’t been in weeks” Awww shit man I would but it’s just too cold and I don’t wanna walk all the way there in work out clothes.“Hey why haven’t you left your dorm room in weeks?” Dude all of my warm clothes are dirty I’m not trying to catch hypothermia bro.

In the end, whether you like it or not the freezing water falling from the sky we’ve witnessed this week signals the coming of Fall.  Whether you’re going to bunker down in your room or spend your time showcasing your hip, new, trendy, outfits (that everyone else on campus is wearing), Fall is here and it’s not going anywhere. And that’s all there is to it. Now bring in the  dancin lobsters


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