500 Word Review: Tolentine Hall

Taking a page out of our mother country site Chestnut Trill, I decided to review the outdated and outlandish home to College of Arts and Crafts students: Tolentine Hall. I could have just made a five word review saying “Fuck stairs this place sucks”, but I decided to give it a fair shake.


  • Father Peter: For some god forsaken reason the president of our fine institution has an office on the bottom floor. I actually don’t know why he is there. If Father Peter is in Tolentine then why isn’t Jay Wright stationed in White Hall or something? Can’t hit it as he gives the Arts and Crafts students some love by sharing a building with them.


  • Stairs: I guess if you like stairs then this is your heaven.
  • Rooftop Pool: I am just fucking with you. There isn’t a pool. I was tricked my first week of school here so I am bitter about that.
  • Open Study Rooms: Nice to go and just sit in a random room to study. Did it all the time last year with my friends. You might not do a lot of work but you’ll have fun trying.


  • Stairs: One staircase goes up one flight, one goes up past the creepy random “Mezzanine” and two of them actually go to every floor. Nothing worse then running late from South as a freshmen and wrongly picking the wrong stairs. Not only do you have to climb four flights of stairs at 8:30 but now you have to find out how to get up there.
  • Bathrooms: Only three bathrooms in the place. One on the second and third floor and a both a men’s and women’s bathroom in the far corner of the building. Who the fuck designed that? It’s not like anyone needs to go to the bathroom ever.
  • Classrooms: Filled with cheap desks built for middle schoolers, the non-airconditioned shit holes are embarrassing compared to the other buildings. Bartley has massage chairs compared to the cinderblocks in Tolentine.
  • Lack of Air Conditioned Classrooms: After climbing the painful stairs there is no better reward then sitting in a 85 degree classroom listening to a professor discuss Nietzsche. It is an excellent workout sitting in a pile of sweat while fighting to stay awake. We should just close down Guatanamo Bay and move all the prisoners to Tolentine 416.
  • No Holy Grounds: This doesn’t bother me at all but many coffee drinkers just complain constantly about it. Maybe that’s why I have all my points by the end of the semester and my friends run out by mid-October.

If this building was burned to the ground, I actually don’t think anyone would care. Nothing really redeemable in Tolentine. I guess we need to just suck it up and…


Rate: 2.6/10

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